HLELLO fellow cakers!
Its is time for anohjer episode of PIMPIN WIHT CAKE!! Starring ur pal, teh whole cake!
its cold. It night time. an u really need do poop. and not jsut any poop. this teh kind of poop that feel like Mr T jumping on cargo doors on B52 bomber plane. U cant abort this one. this one justt has to come out. this teh kind of poo where u try hold in, but teh contractions are getting closer together.
u try to remember ur breathing lessons from antenatal class but it not helping. hey u know those reely sharp farts u do some times that feel liek geometric shapes? cake did a great cubicuboctahedron the other morning. anyway wat was cake talkin bout OH YEAH.
U jus know that ur gonna have to face ur arch nemesis - teh cold toilet seat. ur bum only take so much suffering.
well fear no moer cake fans. cake have solution.
take off some toilet paper an put it around seat. teh best amount of paper to take off at time is 2 squares. it teh longest u can break off at a tiem an still be able to curve roun toilet seat.
so u sit down on toilet. it not ice cold. whew. crisis averted. but now what. teh poo is coming, an u know where there fat woman there fat splash. we all been here befor. it goin splash back when it lans and there nothing u can do bout it. ..or is ther?
introducing: teh landing pad!
before u sit down to make bricks, take off some toilet paper an put a square or 2 down into teh water. when ur fudge loaf falls down & lands, teh toilet paper will stop teh splash. u able to do as big poo as u want and no splash
this teh bit where ppl turn away, mothers cover teh childrens eyes an u do what u have to do. make sure u have friend on teh ready to call ambulance and plumber. it nice knowin u.
after ur poo come out an ur bum stop bleeding, u might be wonderin what comes next. wiping bum get quite dry after while. well cake got u covered here too.
if u a regular viewer of pimpin wih cake, u know last week we solv problem with sneezing. well this week we solv probolem same way. hoick up big clob of spit and blast it on bunch of toilet paper. now u have ur own home made soft wipes!
now u rinse AN clean ur bum at saem time.
after u done wipign ur bum, wave goodbye to ur poo and flush away. ur poo go where all other poos go - teh great poo afterlife in teh sky. where tehy all play music an play online games against teh wees afterlife cos they use have great rivalery but now tey peaceful.
teh moral of teh story is that if poos an wees can get alogn we can too. <3 for u all.
..except for matilda he get two <3 <3