Its the weekend, I was thirsty and required some refreshing fruity beverage so I hoped in line behind a…… hmmmmm what do you call the opposite of a milf??? mtmmp? – mum that makes me puke? anyway I was behind this thing and she was with her daughter around 3-5yrs old.

They ordered some crap and the thing was running around grabbing straws and tissues whilst I stood behind browsing the overhead board for a drink to order when low and behold………. I felt something squeeze my nads!

Initially I thought it was my boxers moving about whilst I looked up to browse the menu so I lowered my hand to adjust the seamage when….. OMFG I felt a little hand and yes….. the little girl was fully molesting me in public!!!

Just imagine this, I just found out and turned my head to confirm the shocking event, the mother turns around to see whats happening and the person behind the counter is shocked at what she had witnessed and then from the side comes a wave of laughter as my mates arrive to meet up before the afternoons footy session at the bar.

Some kid just sneaked 2nd base on me in public!!! AND SHE DINNER EVEN BUY ME DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so shocked that I physically froze whilst the thing switched into rage mode and yelled “Wtf are you doing with my daughter?”
She quickly grabbed her daughter away and with my peripheral vision I could see my mates rolling on the floor balling their arses off at what they saw.
This of course made a nice little scene at the place where people started gathering and luckily the server behind the counter kindly explained what had happened and I was in the clear.

Now a few minutes pass by as things start to settle then one of my mates comments “HOLY SHIT, IS THAT A FLASHLIGHT IN YOUR PANTS OR WERE YOU HAPPY WITH THAT SQUEEZE,” another wave of laughter erupts then another one of them says “Hey, lay off cheekz man, he had a very delicate operation to fix his sausage last week. It’s weird that its happened this way but at least he’s recovering.” then again everyone erupts in another wave of laughter 🙁

Suddenly something happened to the thing and she says, “you wouldnt happen to have been at XXXXXXXXX hospital last week?”
I’ll leave the rest of the story because quite frankly my life is a total joke and yes she knew someone from the hospital and I was ‘that special’ patient of the month!

CHEEKZ LIFE! 🙁