micky <3

This is actually not a bad idea micky & we do get a lot of trolls on the forums tbh.
Hopefully BR will have a look at this post , otherwise I’ll have to PM him about it.

Nice work there Micky 🙂

How many divers does it take to circumcise a whale……??

……

……

Four skin divers!

BOOM BOOM! thanks I’ll be here all week!

<3

Everyone loves puns!

* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

* The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

* We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L A.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

* What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

* A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

* If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ,resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

* You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

* He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

* A calendar’s days are numbered.

* A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

* A boiled egg is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.

* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

* When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

* Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture: a jab well done

@ sunn, can we have some more anti-jokes please?

haha i love anti-jokes

A dog walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender realises how silly this is, and wakes up from his dream. He rolls over and tells his wife about it, who ignores him. He begins to silently cry, knowing that his marriage is falling into shambles.

why did the pigeon leave the little girls in tears?
because the child could not cope with the sudden movements and loud noises due to bad parenting which manifested itself via a lack of confidence.

A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and is ruining his family ..

one dark day in the middle of the night,
two dead man got up to fight,
back to back they faced each other,
drew there swords and shot each other!

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here

A man is as young as the woman he feels

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it

The trouble with women is that they lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go

I am not young enough to know everything

AND THEN THE ALL TIME FAVORITES!!

Yo Momma Jokes

Yo mommas so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go!
Yo mama so dumb she stared at da orange juice bottle cause it said concentrate
Your momma is so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time please.
Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves
Yo mama so dumb she sold her car for gas money
Yo Mama’s so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.
You’re mom’s so stupid, she got locked up in a super market and starved
Yo Momma is so fat she walked out in high heels and came back in flip flops.
Yo’ Momma’s So Fat When her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.
Yo mama’s so fat when she ordered a water bed they layed a blanket on the Pacific Ocean
Yo mamma’s like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
Yo mama so dumb that when I said “christmas is just around the corner” she went looking for it!
Yo Mamma’s so fat it takes two busses and a train to get on her good side.
Your mom is so stupid, I said it’s chilly outside, your mom ran outside wit a bowl and a spoon and asked where??
Yo Momma so fat she stepped on da scale and and it said to be continued…
Yo Mama’s so poor, when I was asking why she was banging on the dumpster she said, “My kids locked me out.”
Yo Momma so dumb when she saw a bus with white people in it she said, “Go catch that twinky.”
Yo mommas so fat, she has to use a matress for a tampon.
Yo mamma’s so stupid, she jumped off a boat and missed the water.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she stepped on the dog’s tail we had to change his name to Beaver.
Yo momma’s so fat that when she goes outside in her yellow jacket people say “Look it’s the magic school bus!!!”
Yo Mamma so fat that when the school bus drives by she yells STOP THAT TWINKIE!
Yo Mama so fat she went into a zoo and a zookeeper said, “Oh boy…another elephant got out!”
Yo mamma so stupid, it took her two hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mamma is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans!
Yo mama’s so fat that when she went to wal-mart she tripped over k-mart and hit target!!!!:-D
Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a dollar and made change.
Yo mama’s so poor when I saw her kickin’ a can down the street, I asked her what was she doing and she said, movin!’
Your mammas so stupid she got locked in mattress store and slept on the floor.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out….
Your mama is so fat she jumped in to the ocean and the whales started to sing we are family.
Yo mama’s so fat she has her own zipcode
Yo Momma is like a doornob, everyone gets a turn.
Yo mamma’s so fat she fell in love and broke it
Yo Mama’s so fat, when she stepped onto the scale it said “to infinity and beyond!”
Yo Momma so fat, when she went to swim in the ocean she said “Oops I’m in the kiddy pool!”
I thought you were ugly … and then I met your mama
Yo Mamma is like a hockey playa, she doesnt changer her pads for 3 periods!
Yo Momma’s so ugly on Halloween, people go as her.
Yo momma’s so fat that when she jumped for joy she got stuck!
Yo Momma is so fat that her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Yo’ mama so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself!
Yo Momma so fat her tanning bed was Mexico!
Your momma is so retarded she got stabbed in a shootout.
Yo momma’s so fat, she walked in front of the t.v and I missed a whole series of friends!
Yo momma is so fat, she’s taller sideways.
Yo Mamma so stupid that she went to Dr. Dre for liposuction.
Yo Momma so dumb, she sat on the TV to watch the couch
Yo momma’s so fat, she uses the pacific ocean to take a bath.
I’m not here… but yo mama is 😉
Yo Momma’s so horny, when she found out Winnie the Pooh had no pants, she a got a boner.
Yo momma so greasy they hired her at the cinima to put the butter on the popcorn!
Yo Momma so stupid her favorite color is clear.
Yo mamas so fat that at the circus she nicknamed the elephant pee wee.
Your momma’s so fat that when she fell in the forest, the loggers said “TIMBER”!
Your momma is so fat that when she sweats she can be used as a steam roller.
Your momma’s so fat she has to use the ocean as her toilet!
to be continued……………

Reaction to Snakes
• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.
• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.
• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.
• Infantry: “Look, a putty cat. Come ‘ere kitty….Ouch! Hey, that’s not a putty tat.”
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can’t find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called “The Snake.”
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
• 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake’s home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.
• MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.
• JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.
• Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for “Snake, Green, One Each,” as non-expendable unit property.
• Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, “UTRWBAG” (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
• Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
• Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.
• Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.
• AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
• AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake’s life.
• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

Only one comes to my mind atm…

How many jokes are there about cops?

Just the one; the rest are true.

!Rename POST Trolling Thread

@ sunn, can we have some more anti-jokes please?

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

@ sunn, can we have some more anti-jokes please?

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Lol, that one never gets old 😆

A seal walks into a club.

The dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac sat up all night wondering if there really is a dog.