Take the roach back to the shop. Throw it at them. -gets ready for abuse-

^ hang on isnt that guy the reason the last thread died? We should perhaps move this to the over 18 section where he cant get at it. Or maybe there should be a new “Thug-life” forum where the cockroaches aren’t allowed.

Ouch. That hurt, i think i might just die.. -.-

Tool.

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I lold, i call ppl a spanner all the time

I lold, i call ppl a spanner all the time

Yeah, blunt instrument is an enduring insult. An oldie, but a goodie.

Don’t know if this warrants as Thug Life-ish but was the best payback thus far 🙂

Scene 1: Prelude
Now set the scene back a couple months back in the wee hot days of summer, after a nice morning/afternoon fishing session off the Heads me and my mate head back to my place to clean up and split the spoils. After splitting the loot I went ahead to start cleaning the boat whilst my mate went for a dip in the pool with a bucket of live yakkas 🙁
Fast forward 3 days and my pool filters spitting chunks with the smell to boot.

Scene 2: Payback
Yesterday whilst visiting my mates place for a spot of Fridays drinky drinks, he headed off to the showers and left me to free reign his coop 🙂
In my left hand a nice cold one and on my right his dirty little ankle bitter piss weak dog switching between humping my forearms to licking his balls then then inevitable happened……… the little bugger dropped a turd on the floor :O
For one moment there I thought, “Yeah, I’ll be a nice guy a clean this shit up” then memories of pool chunks come flooding into my mind so I grab a paper bag from the kitchen, bagged the turd and whipped it into the oven for a 5hr max temp roasting to start in 3hrs time 🙂

Scene 3: Bahahahahhaha
After a night out in town I received a very interesting call from above mate at 4am 🙂
He’d arrived home to a house smelling of turd and a ruined oven(apparently brown paper bags don’t catch on fire in the oven) but roasting turds in the oven makes a nasty mess.
Heres a very vague exert from the conversation:
Me: elloooooooooo….?
Mate: OMFG YOU *beeping beep beep beep beep beep*
Me: huh?
Mate: MY HOUSE SMELLS LIKE TURDSICLES!!!!!
Me: huh?
Mate: I PULLED A CHICK AND SHE RAN FOR THE HILLS YOU *beeping beep beep beep beeeeeeeepppppppppppppppp*
Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Mate: WTF did you throw in my oven?
Me: …. roasted you doggie turd for a few hours 🙂
Mate: YOU SHOULD SEE THIS SHIT!!! it like roasted into a slurry and oozed out of the bag right down to the base of the oven then continued to roast until crispy burnt crustiness!!!!!
Not only did I manage to ruin his house but I also inadvertently cock blocked him WIN!

Scene 4: The Morning After

Well played cheekz. Well played.

The oven was nice, but the c0ck-block was the icing on the cake.

I approve!

and the cock block, ouch man payback for this 1 is ganna involve you losing a limb bro lol

This is a good opportunity to share something that happened while i was at uni.

To set the scene, while I was at uni, I lived on campus in a residential college for the first 2 years. Mainly for the social aspect of things. In my college the rooms were setup so every 8 rooms you’d have a common room. So those rooms were thought of as a group & you’d do stuff with your group a lot (go out and get smashed etc).

Anyway, one day a bloke from my group comes in with a dead seagull that he picked up in his travels. Its pretty festy and we sit down and have a good think about what to do with it. We decide that another group which was known as the “Garden Shed” because that’s where all the tools are kept, were deserved recipients of our dead bird. So in the dead of night we slip up there and put it in one of their cupboards. All manner of hillarity ensues and we think the deal is over.

A couple of days later we come back from lectures to fund our common room absolutely reeking of dead fish. These guys had gone to town on us by returning the bird and hiding prawn shells in all sorts of places (they cut the undersides of chair’s upholstery etc). It took us over 3 days to find it all. As we tracked down each offending specimen we added them to the plastic bag containing
a) original, well travelled bird (which by now had attracted maggots)
b) all the prawn shells.

The tools thought that they were pretty funny for a few days as it took us ages to track down every single prawn shell. Over that time my GF (now missus noob) couldnt come to stay the night because of the smell, so noob was effectively c0ck blocked.

So after 3 days of the bird + assorted goodies festering on our window in the sun, me and a mate get up at 4am in the morning and transfer the contents of the plastic bag onto some newspaper, where my mate gags and almost throws up. We then ninja it up into their microwave and set it for 10 minutes on high.

The upshot of it all was they had to throw out their microwave & a ceasefire was brokered through 3rd parties after some of the tools were shaping up to punch on.

I still look back fondly at collecting all the fest and applying interest to it. Good times.

I still look back fondly at collecting all the fest and applying interest to it. Good times.

And it was at that time you knew you would work at a bank 😛

Cheers

and the cock block, ouch man payback for this 1 is ganna involve you losing a limb bro lol

Prosthetics will fix that but the war will rage on!!! 🙂

Lol@noob, man if I was only smart enough to get into uni then blammo, blended prawn + chum(yes the shark burley) and pouring that slurry on the top of doors so the wood can absorb the muck, the bottom slide part of windows, the back of the refrigerator and dipping everything with legs in the slurry for that lemon pledge touch not to mention the top of kitchen cupboards and the any filters present 🙂

@ cheekz, remind me to never get on the wrong side of you. Actually, maybe that would be safer than being your mate?

And it was at that time you knew you would work at a bank 😛

ROFL triggs.